Letters: Lunchables

To whom it may concern,

Today I purchased a turkey and cheese lunchable from the vending machine at my workplace. I was hoping to consider it lunchable enough to qualify as lunch. Much to my dismay when I got down to the last cracker-cheese product-turkey combo, I was one turkey circle short. I was thrown for a loop.

"Do they expect me to eat just a cracker-cheese product combo?", I thought.

The triple threat of cracker, cheese product and turkey is so enormously good. It hurt me to finish my lunch on such a sour note. Here it is 2 hours later and I am still not over it.

Now you the good people of Kraft foods have been good to me in the past. I have enjoyed your cheese slices since my youth. (By the way, I think it is pure genius how you have put arrows on the clear packaging allowing the cheese eater to open the cheese with minimal effort.) This is why I alert you to this oversight. I am sure that on a whole your lunchables are quite well proportioned, but this particular one was not, and I thought that since you care you would want to know. After all what is a lunchable if not totally lunchable?

Thank you for your time and keep up the good work.

W. J. DeBalt


Response from the good people at Kraft foods:

Thank you for visiting http://www.kraftfoods.com/.

I'm sorry for your experience with OSCAR MAYER LUNCHABLES 97% Fat Free Lunch Combination. The problem you described sounds like there was a possible mechanical failure at our facility. I am sending you reimbursement via first class mail, which you should receive within 7-10 business days.

We value the quality of the products that leave our facility. We give careful attention to each step of our manufacturing process. Samples from each production run are evaluated before we ship them, in an effort to prevent any unsatisfactory products from entering distribution.

Mistakes can sometimes occur on our production lines. We try to prevent this by stationing inspectors at various points along the production lines, and their duties include watching for malfunctions. Also, our quality control staff makes regular rounds throughout the production area during the day in order to ensure that production equipment is functioning properly.

I hope this information is helpful, and again, I apologize for this experience.

Kim McMiller
Assoc Director, Consumer Relations


SmithJ said...

Quite a sad story my friend. Suggestion: Maybe if you follow the arrows they will lead you to the missing turkey?

jhaf76 said...

have you tried the pretzel dippers?? no turkey here to mislead you my friend, but plenty of plastic...i am not sure of any arrows however...

elyce said...

maybe if you invent your own lunchable you can avoid this from happening in the future, plus maybe you'll get rich enough to have that toiilet you've always dreamed of. good luck to you.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the missing 97% turkey product lunchable has something to do with the turkey that George W pardoned last Thanksgiving. "Bar" told me that's how it works as I was railing her on the South Lawn. Yep, I like me some cripple tail, shore nuf !

ghostman_On2nd said...

Man, I once bought the store brand cheese slices, and it didn't have the arrows. I never did figure out how to open the package. I guess that's where my addiction to huffing paint began.

Devildog Wrapper said...

You missed the perfect opportunity to ask them just how the hell they figure out what percentage fat free an item is. Do they manufacture 100% fat products of the same shape and size and figure out the difference in weight? I envision a complicated scheme of levers and pulleys and a bathtub half full of water. Speaking of Haf, I bet he knows...but I bet he ain't telling, either!

I guess we'll never know since YOU didn't take advantage of this opportunity. Remember, it only knocks once.