Insert Here: Soup to Nuts

In the first of a new series here at PF, today I introduce you to "Insert Here"

The idea behind "Insert Here" is that we will give you a phrase or word and over the next several days you will try and work this word or phrase into your conversation. You will quickly see how rewarding this can be. Just last weekend, I had the pleasure of telling a guy that bore a striking resemblance to Willie Aames "... you my friend, have just run into a buzzsaw." It felt damn good. You may see that others sometimes will react strangely to your choice of words. Fretnot, this is squarely on them.

The second step in this process is you reporting back in the comment section with the happenings of your wordplay shenanigans.

Ok, now that you have said, "Yeah, yeah... I like this" and clapped your hands together in approval, lets get this started.

Todays "Insert Here":
Soup to Nuts

phlegm

I have some phlegm deep within me.
It wants to be freed, of this I'm quite sure.
I cough it out, then sneeze it out, making every attempt to breath.

As they say, it may get worse before it gets better.
Sleepless nights I spend, keeping the town awake with awful coughing.
I hope they won't hold a grudge.

It seems to last forever, what a limitless supply.
If only I could bottle my phlegm and sell it.
I would be rich...but not for long.

wanted: a bad operation

I need a bad operation. Something with old scissors, a roughed-up hammer, or a flame.

I need a bad operation. Something with clumsy stabbing, uncompromising jamming, and fraying, second-hand gauze pads.

I need a bad operation. Something performed by an english-as-a-second-language, degree-via-internet, runs-their-own-pharmacy, unsavory sort of fellow.

gene hackman wants to build something with me

Gene Hackman wants to build something with me. Just the two of us. Together. He told me so yesterday. I was sitting in the tub, drinking whiskey and listening to Hall & Oates...thinking about asking the 13" black and white panasonic to get up off the sink counter and come join me. That's when the man who brought The French Connection to the silver screen asked me to build something with him. "Let's build something together". Those were his exact words.

To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on before this little invitation came my way. I was staring at the tile. Hating those tiles… But when the weathered pipes of Royal Tennenbaum pipe up, your ears prick up. When the calloused hands of Unforgiven's Little Bill knock on your door, you extend a laurel and a hearty handshake.

What to build? He didn’t say. But the answer will come in due time. He’ll let me know. I’m sure of it. As long as I stay in this tub.

toxic fog for a cyber professional

You’re a cruel cracker, aren’t you? Yes. Sailing your jungle ship through my playground. But I shan’t let your words flicker on me with brimstone zing. Like snail bingo in tree fresh captain’s quarters they are. And as such they’ll most likely stay.
Were it up to you, an oral snail would offer a lost shark a golden shimmer. “Let me fetch some nylon rubber” he would intone. Wouldn’t he?
You fail to grasp the appeal of kite saviors. The allure of whale hickies. Or the need for sundries, various or otherwise.

Revenge

Yea, I know who you are.
Your a card player, a thief, and a killer.
That man taught you everything you know.
How could you do it? To just leave him there on the side of the road...dead.
Well friend, I have some bad news for you.
Your luck has run out.
He may have been your uncle...but he was my dad.
And he taught me too.
Now, grab a seat...and deal.

Friday Links

It occured to me that I have been filling the inboxes of friends and acquaintances with a lot of random links this week. In a model of redundancy, I will again post some of them here. In a model of redundancy, I will again post some of them here.

Movember: grow a mustache.

Amy Sedaris.

Old Slumpy. A testament to urban decay. Detroit, Mi.
More Slumpy.

Help get the Tampa Bay Rays in stirrups for 2008.

Bell's beer might be coming back to IL!

Go see Don Rickles.

What's that you say about free time?

Letters: Stoneyfield Farm

In my profession as a dairy manager I've grown quite familiar with your product. Its helpful to have sampled theses little treasures so I'm able to give accurate feedback to the anxious customer. So from your Wild Berry Probiotic Smoothie to your Low Fat Carmel Underground Yogurt, you could say I've had the buffet. Generally speaking I'm quite satisfied from spoon to stomach. That is, of course, until my last encounter. It was a Tuesday afternoon, much like yesterday. I had just returned home after a long day of buying, backstocking and shelving thousands of dollars of your product along of course with your competitors, when I sat down to enjoy a 6oz portion of Whole Milk Vanilla Truffle yogurt. Well needless to say I was surprised to learn that 6 live active cultures are not the only treats inside, but could someone please explain to me the health benefits of a TWO INCH CODDER PIN!!! (pictures available on my camera phone). Clearly it was my bad though because I failed to read your organic guarantee "made without the use of antibiotics, synthetic growth hormornes and toxic pesticides." I see now that codder pins aren't listed anywhere on there...so, thank you for your time and carry on.

An Ode to Big Mac

What can I say?
Today, Bro, its your day.
Wow 50, the big 5. O.
That really is a long time, you know?
Across the strait,
that's great!
The link between the glove
and fudge island. Much love!
So many more I hope for you
I love you Big Mac, I do.