My intentions with your daughter (Assuming that your daughter is Memorial Day weekend)

1) I plan to drink upwards of 17 Miller High Lifes from the bottle
2) I plan to be shirtless for much of the weekend
3) I plan to wear my sunglasses constantly
4) I plan to perform feats of potato salad-eating wonder
5) I plan to grill much encased meat, and I intend to use my new tongs with reckless abandon (while singing "the thong song" with tong substituted for thong)
6) I plan to listen to Bob Dylan in the dark
7) I plan to play lawn sports as much as citily possible
8) I plan to foolishly shun sunblock
9) Since I will most likely not be around any large bodies of water, I plan to loudly and frequently proclaim that the proper way to celebrate any of the "Big 3 America days" (Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day) is to be shirtless, waist deep in a lake, while drinking a Budweiser tallboy... The only reason you should not be in that lake is to be playing one handed lawn sports with your buddies (the other hand is for beer)... when playing croquet you should take every opportunity to "Blast" your opponents balls and speak with an english accent.
10) I plan to bitch about how Flag Day (June 14) gets absolutely no credit
11) after all this is done if there is any time, I plan to have sex with your daughter while I wear my sunglasses, after which I will eat more potato salad

1 comment:

sarah said...

Did you send this to Marcy's dad?