In my profession as a traveling hypnotist, I have the luxury of many week days off. I have a routine for these mornings which includes the staples: coffee, cigarettes and The Price is Right. Years of this routine has left me with a series of questions, namely: “How fucking old is Bob Barker anyway?”
I mean c’mon, the man hasn’t aged a day in twenty years. His skin just gets tighter and his hair gets whiter. Is it possible he's a cyborg? The only caveat in this theory is his use of witty observations and comic relief. I actually saw him say to someone this morning that if she wins, she’d be the most undeserving contestant to ever win a prize on his show! Now that’s funny!
Well as it turns out she didn’t win, in fact she was one of those losers who were left with nothing but shame, embarrassment and some lovely parting gifts. How horrible it must be to go through life knowing that if only you’d bid one dollar, things might be different. You would have had that “neat set of his and hers scuba gear” and a one year supply of Little Debbie Snack Cakes…and maybe more! But no, you had to listen to Wanza in the front row, despite the fact that given her dimensions it’s unlikely she’d know the going rate for scuba gear.
Anyway, at least she realized her dream of “coming on down” slapping fives with a random sub-section of America’s finest who are somehow delighted that she won and they didn’t. They’re just happy to be on TV and wave at the camera with ignorant bliss while secretly cursing her in their subconscious, knowing they may never have the pleasure of spinning the Big Wheel or being on the showcase showdown with a chance at the elusive golden grail the double winner!
And isn’t obvious to anyone else yet that the showcase with the clever little story, like “Amanda’s trip to the supermarket” or whatever the hell it might be, is the one they should bid on. Or do some people really want that charming bedroom group and exciting exercise equipment that are somehow valued at $18,000. I don’t care if all 8 of Bob’s bimbos come with that bedroom group, it’s not worth $18,000. And I’m pretty sure a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup isn’t $2.69 either.
Anyway, I seem to have gotten a little off track here. Really I was just wondering how old Bob Barker is, because…damn, that man looks good!
I mean c’mon, the man hasn’t aged a day in twenty years. His skin just gets tighter and his hair gets whiter. Is it possible he's a cyborg? The only caveat in this theory is his use of witty observations and comic relief. I actually saw him say to someone this morning that if she wins, she’d be the most undeserving contestant to ever win a prize on his show! Now that’s funny!
Well as it turns out she didn’t win, in fact she was one of those losers who were left with nothing but shame, embarrassment and some lovely parting gifts. How horrible it must be to go through life knowing that if only you’d bid one dollar, things might be different. You would have had that “neat set of his and hers scuba gear” and a one year supply of Little Debbie Snack Cakes…and maybe more! But no, you had to listen to Wanza in the front row, despite the fact that given her dimensions it’s unlikely she’d know the going rate for scuba gear.
Anyway, at least she realized her dream of “coming on down” slapping fives with a random sub-section of America’s finest who are somehow delighted that she won and they didn’t. They’re just happy to be on TV and wave at the camera with ignorant bliss while secretly cursing her in their subconscious, knowing they may never have the pleasure of spinning the Big Wheel or being on the showcase showdown with a chance at the elusive golden grail the double winner!
And isn’t obvious to anyone else yet that the showcase with the clever little story, like “Amanda’s trip to the supermarket” or whatever the hell it might be, is the one they should bid on. Or do some people really want that charming bedroom group and exciting exercise equipment that are somehow valued at $18,000. I don’t care if all 8 of Bob’s bimbos come with that bedroom group, it’s not worth $18,000. And I’m pretty sure a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup isn’t $2.69 either.
Anyway, I seem to have gotten a little off track here. Really I was just wondering how old Bob Barker is, because…damn, that man looks good!
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