Up with the ramp!

I too am weary of the staircase. I fully support all efforts to promote the gradual ascent. I have been pro-ramp for several years now.

Below you will find a log of all the times I have fallen down the stairs since I turned 30. I fully expect this list to be an important document in the effort to transform America into a ramped nation. I encourage others to start their own stair mishap journal and for god's sake, slow down on the stairs!

A log of times I have fallen down the stairs since age 30.

12-17-05
The Cain house (3108 Woodslee Dr., Royal Oak, MI)

I had just got to cain’s house for the annual Christmas party/ meatball eating competition. He has some stairs at his back door leading into the basement, I took 2 steps down the stairs and it happened. My feet flew out from under me and I rode my ass down the stairs. Luckily this time I had on a backpack and was carrying two guitars. One guitar I gracefully saved by calmly placing on a top stair. The other guitar bore the brunt of the crash, but was no worse for the wear. The backpack saved my ass, literally. It absorbed most of the tumble. Leaving me with little more than some stinging fingertips and a bruised ego. As with most falls down stairs I was completely thrown into a state of disbelief and confusion. I survived and that very night witnessed the most intense display of meatball eating I have yet to see.

Pain Factor: 3 (out of a possible 10)
Embarrassment Factor: 1
Overall Fall: 4

03-04-06
My house (1434 N. Greenview, Chicago, IL)

I was rushing to leave town for the weekend. I was carrying (once again) my guitar in one hand and some books in the other and I had my backpack on. The stairs in our house going from the first floor to the second curve around in a “J” as some stairs do. The way they are set up the inside of these stairs get very narrow. In my hurrying, I misjudged the width of the stairs and down I came, about 8 stairs from the bottom. Again the backpack absorbed most of the damage. This time books went flying and my elbow was smashed. Again, the whole event threw me for a loop, and made me really uncomfortable, mentally. It is kinda like a reboot of your whole system. This episode has me convinced that I will more than likely meet my end as a result of an untimely stair falling. It’s only a matter of time.

Pain Factor: 4.5
Embarrassment Factor: 2
Overall Fall: 5.5