It's all your fault!

I blame it on the Bush administration,
On the war and occupation of Iraq,
And on the impending confrontation with Iran and North Korea.

I blame it on high gas prices and global warming,
On the corrupt political system and terrorism,
And on Osama bin Laden, Britney Spears and Oprah Winfrey.

But I blame it on the little guy too.
On bad drivers and uppity bitches,
And every “my son’s an honor roll student” bumper sticker.

I blame it on my job,
On my bosses and the beemers,
And every stupid customer’s stupid questions.

I blame it on the ex.
On the lies and the cheating,
And the menace of a dog you won’t discipline.

I blame it on my parents,
On their parents and on their parent’s parents.
And on the genes we should’ve altered so many generations ago.

Finally, I blame it on the snaggle-tooth, nappy-headed,
Convenience store clerk who just can’t figure out the change from my $20.
“Yes, the big ones are quarters…twenty-five cents.”

I blame it on all of you, and dozens more I’ve chosen not to list.
I’m going bald you fuckers…and it’s all your fault!