Son: Dad, where do babies come from?
Dad: Son, all human life originates from the center of the universe.
Son: I don’t unders---
Dad: Well you see, the Bible says the center of the universe is this mushy Bisquick biscuit looking thing that floats like a brown jewel…out there [pointing], out there in outer space. [in his best fatherly voice] And God said, in the beginning there was the darkness. And the darkness was scary and boring. And its only comfort was the thought of a scantily clad woman laying face down in the stars.
Son: Wow! Can I see the center of the universe from here?
Dad: No son, the center of the universe is far far away.
Son: Well are there other people in the universe?
Dad: Yes, for sure. They live on planets just like our own, planets that also orbit [gesturing with his hand] the center of the universe. Lucky for us we have a nice orbit. Some other folks, well let’s just say it’s hot and smelly where they live.
Son: So if the babies come from the center of the universe, how do they get from there to here?
Dad: Son, this is a conversation that we should keep between just you…and me…OK?
Son: Yes Dad, anything!
Dad: Ok, when babies are born they land on the big dark floating biscuit, right?
Son: Yes?!
Dad: And you know the fastest way from Oz to Kansas, right?
Son: Duh Dad, click your heels!
Dad: Ok son, right. Now Oz is some fake TV bullshit, but the real world works sorta the same way. And that’s how Moses came up with the idea for that movie in the first place, Dorothy, the robot lions, the whole thing. Most people don’t know but Moses was also big into some…
Son: Dad! The babies!
Dad: Ok, right. Between you and me and the Bible, [getting excited] all the babies do is, crouch down, get real quiet…wiggle their big toe and Bing Bing! Smack dab to Main Street USA! It’s a miracle [getting more serious] but it’s a prophecy that is fulfilled time and time again and all over the whole wide universe of ours. What do you think, amazing?!
Son: [matter of factly] I love biscuits Dad.
Dad: [proud] Me too son, me too.
Dad: Son, all human life originates from the center of the universe.
Son: I don’t unders---
Dad: Well you see, the Bible says the center of the universe is this mushy Bisquick biscuit looking thing that floats like a brown jewel…out there [pointing], out there in outer space. [in his best fatherly voice] And God said, in the beginning there was the darkness. And the darkness was scary and boring. And its only comfort was the thought of a scantily clad woman laying face down in the stars.
Son: Wow! Can I see the center of the universe from here?
Dad: No son, the center of the universe is far far away.
Son: Well are there other people in the universe?
Dad: Yes, for sure. They live on planets just like our own, planets that also orbit [gesturing with his hand] the center of the universe. Lucky for us we have a nice orbit. Some other folks, well let’s just say it’s hot and smelly where they live.
Son: So if the babies come from the center of the universe, how do they get from there to here?
Dad: Son, this is a conversation that we should keep between just you…and me…OK?
Son: Yes Dad, anything!
Dad: Ok, when babies are born they land on the big dark floating biscuit, right?
Son: Yes?!
Dad: And you know the fastest way from Oz to Kansas, right?
Son: Duh Dad, click your heels!
Dad: Ok son, right. Now Oz is some fake TV bullshit, but the real world works sorta the same way. And that’s how Moses came up with the idea for that movie in the first place, Dorothy, the robot lions, the whole thing. Most people don’t know but Moses was also big into some…
Son: Dad! The babies!
Dad: Ok, right. Between you and me and the Bible, [getting excited] all the babies do is, crouch down, get real quiet…wiggle their big toe and Bing Bing! Smack dab to Main Street USA! It’s a miracle [getting more serious] but it’s a prophecy that is fulfilled time and time again and all over the whole wide universe of ours. What do you think, amazing?!
Son: [matter of factly] I love biscuits Dad.
Dad: [proud] Me too son, me too.
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