Hollywood, CA--- And you thought your neighbor’s “Meow If You’re Muscular” bumper sticker was crazy. Some residents of a posh Beverly Hills community are calling for swift vigilante justice having learned of videos confiscated by local authorities in a routine body cavity search. Cameron Diaz, appearing in court for a simple urinating in public offense, behaved erratically in the courtroom prompting authorities to conduct a routine investigation into her state of mind. “She had on a funny kitty cat hat and at one point regurgitated what appeared to be at least a plateful of homemade lasagna onto the floor” said courtroom bailiff Trent Dyson. “It had canned mushrooms in it, too”
And the deeper they probed the more they found. Among the treasures of the day was an hour-long video of Diaz’s horny escapades with feline sensation Garfield. The pro shot DVD video was found lodged approximately twelve linear feet from her rectum in the lower intestine. Jalyn Tennyson of local Girl Scout Troop #4317 said, "Just thinking about humping cats makes me feel grody, I'd like to get some of my friends to gang up on [Diaz] and punch her in her f*#king face".
Other residents were optimistic, “I see it as both a true medical miracle and a tasteful contribution to the American art form” commented Dr. David Janz, founder of Proctology to the Stars a local astronomy club for hemorrhoid sufferers. “If only more people had her brand of courage.”
Neither Garfield nor Diaz could be reached for comment.
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